Patronus Envy
by knwho
Summary: A summer outing at Malfoy Manor turns into a contest to see who has the biggest and best... Patronus. ONE-SHOT, COMPLETE, K-Plus.


**Patronus Envy**

**A/N: Just a One-shot to get me unblocked for _Slip of the Tongue. _A light-hearted, humorous take on the Alpha Male-ism of the Harry Potter men. As always read, enjoy and review. **

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Hermione Malfoy neé Granger looked out at the scene in front of her in the expansive Malfoy Gardens behind the gigantic Manor itself and smiled. Never in a million years did she expect to see this. Gryffindor and Slytherin (and a Ravenclaw) interacting, laughing, acting chummy, and playfully teasing.

Then again never in a million years did she envision herself being married to Draco Malfoy and with three children all under the age of 8. Scorpius was planned, they always talked about having a child, he and Lucius (who was surprisingly receptive of her early on in her marriage) were as smug as can be when the first-born was a boy. Continuing the family tradition that extended back to 1548. The twin girls, however were a complete surprise because they were the first girls since Evelyn Malfoy was born in 1547 and the first twins in two centuries. Cassiopeia and Lyra were the most adorable mixture of Draco and Hermione. Heart-shaped faces, blonde curls, and silvery grey eyes with flecks of chocolate brown. While the twins age 5, took after mum and dad, Scorpius, age 7 was Draco's mini identical twin.

Hermione looked out at the scene again and sighed contently, her children were busy playing with their friends' children: Ron and Pansy's son and daughter, Hugo and Rose; Blaise and Luna's son Lysander; Theo and Daphne's daughter Heather and finally Harry and Ginny's two sons and daughter James, Albus and Lily. Whilst the parents were busy chatting it up on a cool summer day. She grabbed a tray of iced tea and biscuits and headed out to the Gardens, setting down the refreshments she joined the conversation.

"So what's everybody talking about? She asked noticing that the women were now seated and watching their husbands with intrigue. The men were just a few of meters away arguing about something.

Hermione shook her head. "Oh Merlin what is it this time?" It was common that the group would get along until someone, usually Draco, Ron or Harry would say something that would cause a massive playful argument.

Pansy smirked, "Patronus envy."

Hermione turned to the raven-haired woman, "I'm sorry what?"

Ginny spoke up with a half-smile of her own, "Just as Pansy said, Patronus envy. The boys were discussing the latest brooms when somehow the topic turned into who has the biggest and best Patronus."

Hermione shook her head again, what was it with men and their need to be the biggest or best or have the most things, this is just silly Hermione thought as she sat with the rest of the girls watching their husbands argue. As she listened, her mind began to wander, well, in terms of biggest and best it would have to be Draco, he has the biggest house of them all, the most money, the largest and most profitable business and as Hermione thought further her cheeks began to turn red, he was definitely was well-endowed. She didn't know about Theo or Blaise, but after accidentally walking in on Harry changing during their Sixth Year and having seen Ron naked for that summer before Seventh Year when they dated briefly, she can honestly say that Draco is the _bigger _man. Her cheeks were now fully crimson.

"Care to share with the class, Hermione?" Ginny asked teasingly.

This snapped Hermione out of her reverie, "Huh, oh, I was just thinking about Draco," she said quickly.

"Right...," Pansy stressed, "What exactly about _Draco_?" she inflected.

"Oh you know, how much I love him, how great he is with the kids, and how great he is with me," she said that last part quietly. _And how he's hung like a horse, _Hermione thought to herself.

Pansy and Ginny both gave Hermione knowing looks and smiles, they knew what the former Gryffindor Princess was thinking about.

Turning their attention back to the men they heard Ron, "...fine how about we settle this, then?"

"What did you have in mind Weasley?" Blaise asked.

"Each of us cast our Patronus and have our wives decide which is better."

"Our wives are too biased," Theo spoke.

Thinking quickly, "Okay how about the kids then?"

"I don't know, I don't like dragging them into this," Harry spoke up.

"Come on it's just to finally put aside who has the better Patronus."

Harry sighed, "Fine."

Ron beamed, he knew that kids loved dogs and with his Patronus being a Jack Russell Terrier he was sure to win.

"Looks like they're going to have a Patronus contest," Pansy sighed.

"Just out of curiosity, what is Theo's Patronus, Daphne?" Luna asked.

"I can ask you the same question," the Slytherin blonde retorted with a glint of playfulness in her eye, "What's Blaise's?'

"I asked you first."

Daphne smiled, "Well I guess you'll just have to wait and see," she beamed at the former Ravenclaw.

"Spoil sport," Luna huffed, before she and the rest of the girls started laughing.

"Speaking of, Hermione," Pansy began, "What's Draco's, I've never seen him cast his."

"I redirect you to Daphne's answer," Hermione laughed.

She and the rest looked up and saw Ron and Draco wave the children over, "Guess the kids will be the judges."

The wives continued to look on intently once the children were rounded up.

"So, how many of you want to see your dads cast our Patronuses?" Ron asked.

A chorus of 'me, me's' and raised hands were his immediate answer.

"Okay, so we'll cast our Patronus and then after you've seen all of them you have to come to a majority vote as to who has the best Patronus, okay?"

They all nodded.

Ron being the instigator of this turned, "Okay who wants to go first?"

For a few moments no one moved until Harry shyly stepped up.

"Expecto Patronum!" Harry cast. And suddenly a strong stag appeared around the children.

The children oooh'd and aaah'd, until it went away.

"Next." Ron said as Harry stepped back.

Theo stepped up this time, "Expecto Patronum!" he cast. A king cobra burst from his wand hissing around the children. The boys were in awe while the girls cowered.

When it disappeared, Theo went up to the group, "Don't worry it won't hurt you," he comforted.

Back with the wives, "So a snake, how cliché, Daphne," Luna giggled.

Daphne smiled, "You were expecting a mouse perhaps?"

Back with the husbands, "Next," Ron called.

Blaise stepped forward, "Expecto Patronum!" A raven flew from his wand and over the children heads, they strained to look, and oooh'd and aaah'd at the sight.

Once it went away, Daphne spoke from her spot, "You were saying something about clichés, Luna?"

Luna blushed.

"All right Weasley, you're up," Draco announced.

Ron turn to face the proclaimed Prince of Slytherin, "Me? Why, me?"

"Because Weasley we want to save the best for last," Draco said smugly.

"What makes you so sure you have the best?"

"Uh, because I do," Draco baited, "Look around, largest house, most money, best behaved and looking kids and above all, a gorgeous wife."

This earned an indignant, "Hey!" from the rest of the men.

He smirked at them.

"I bet, you want to go last because you need proper time to think of a good memory or you probably can't even produce one."

"Well prove me wrong Weasley."

"Fine. Expecto Patronum!" A cheery Jack Russell Terrier, leapt from his wand and circled the children, "Ooh, a puppy!" The girls chorused happily, as they tried to pet the glowing animal.

Ron walked toward Draco looking smug. Draco simply tsk'd and gave him a smirk.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Suddenly a large, majestic Chinese Fireball dragon, flew around the group, encircling the men first, then the women then finally the children before rising up into the air and letting a burst of blue flame free and a roar. All those present except for Draco and Hermione stared, stunned into silence.

When it finally disappeared, Draco looked toward Ron, "See, told you."

Ron's mouth hung wide.

"Oh my, that was incredible," Luna exclaimed.

The rest of the women agreed.

Then Pansy spoke up, "Well that doesn't surprise me, that is his name after all but why isn't it a European dragon?"

"Well, the first time Draco cast a Patronus was when we traveling in China and we found out I was pregnant with Scorpius, I didn't have enough energy to notify you lot what with morning sickness and all and the Chinese owlery was never on time, so Draco cast his first ever Patronus, it turned out to be a Chinese Fireball, probably because of our location and that's when he found out he was going to be a father. So, it's fitting," Hermione finished and just in time to hear the verdict.

"We pick my dad's," Scorpius said speaking for the children as the rest nodded in full agreement.

"Told you so, Weasley," Draco smirked.

Ron muttered something inaudible, and before everything got out of hand Harry suggested a friendly Quidditch match.

They all agreed and went inside to grab the equipment.

"Merlin, if it's not trying to best each other with their Patronuses it's Quidditch, what is it with men and Quidditch?" Pansy asked and Daphne nodded seconding the sentiment.

Ginny laughed, "They're just playing out their Alpha Male fantasies."

"Oh, come now Gin, you know who the Alpha in this group is," Hermione said with a smirk that Draco would be proud of.

"I know, I know." Ginny nodded knowingly.

The rest laughed then nodded as well.


End file.
